I Am
by omggcece
Summary: There are many interesting people in Genoa City, with complicated stories. A series of character studies. THREE - Jack Abbott isn't surprised anymore.
1. Nikki

Nikki Newman is old.

Say whatever you want, she's aged gracefully, she's still beautiful - Nikki will still feel old. She feels ugly and unloved.

And it's just plain pathetic, she thinks, that she's still hurt at what Victor does to her. He went out and got Sharon, who's young and beautiful, because she's gotten old and ugly.

Jack is so sweet. She wants to love him, wants to shower the man with love but she can't get over cruel, cold hearted, and over controlling Victor Newman.

But, really, Nikki's life has always been. . .not great. It goes as far back to 1979 when she was just Nikki Reed. Plain old Nikki Reed.

Nikki Reed has oh so many skeletons, so many things. These people - these young people - have no idea what she's went through. Things that still haunt her when it's dark and there's no Victor or Jack or anyone going through her head.

(she's so old, oh so OLD)

She wonders why these things - why such bad things happen to her.

(she's killed her own FATHER, but no one cares, no one knows anymore)

(SHE'S OLD)

(how could a father want to have sex with their own fucking daughter? their DAUGHTER?)

But she's Nikki Newman now - Nikki Reed was abandoned and forgotten a long time ago. Someone to only be thought about when it's dark and quiet and there's nothing else to think of.

Nikki got to the top by charming men, the most powerful men in Genoa City. She isn't smart or powerful or empowering. No little girls are going to look up to Nikki Newman OR Nikki Reed and think, "I wanna be just like her!"

Just, no.

Nikki, a former stripper. Almost raped by her drunk of a father. A murderer who killed their father, their FATHER! And now she's killed Diane. And she was drunk, she's always drunk!

What does she even have to offer now? NOTHING!

(SHE'S OLD)

(and no, no matter how many years go by, she's still a talentless, dumb, whore, a murderer, a drunk and now she's old! fat, ugly, NOTHING)

Really, she isn't much of a mother. Victoria and Nick are smart, smarter than she could ever be. But there so jaded and the whole family is just screwed up. Yes, the Newman's are strong - but there's such a thing as too strong.

Nikki does not understand how Jack could want to be with her. Doesn't get it all.

His son hates her (she killed his mother!), she is forever obsessed with Victor (such an old fool, still falling for his tricks, he'll never change), and now she's just old. Worthless.

And deep down, no matter how much time she spends in expensive places and gorgeous gowns-

(she's still Nikki Reed)

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Yes, Nikki, in the very early days of Young & The Restless was almost raped by her father and killed him. Was a stripper. And my Grandma also told him there was a time when she tried to be a model and it turned out the agency was a prostitution ring! XD so Nikki definitely had it rough - also, my Grandma told me her and Paul had a thing for a while! Can you believe that? :O


	2. Phyllis & Avery

Phyllis Summers laughed as she ran to keep up with her sister. Her long red hair was flying in the wind behind her; she liked to think it looked like a cape.

"Slow down! Why are you running so fast?"

Her sister finally stopped running and whipped around, smiling up at Phyllis.

They were very different people, if you asked Phyllis. She had red hair that matched her fiery, rebellious personality. And her sister was blonde and loving. Phyllis was always fighting with their family and her sister was always shocked at how deep her dislike went.

Now, Avery was just smiling at her.

Phyllis frowned. "Why'd you drag me out here? It's hot, I wanna get back inside. . ." She tugged on her sundress.

"Let's make a pinky promise," Avery finally said. She was so excited it looked like she could burst.

"Sure, whatever. What's the promise?"

"P. . .promise me we'll always be together," Avery whispered.

Phyllis felt her irritation melting and she smiled at her sister-which was extremely rare nowadays. "Aw, that's so cute!"

They linked their pinkies together. "I promise, blondie."

Then, Avery started running back to their house.

"Stop running!" Phyllis shrieked. Her skin was slick with sweat and the sundress was sticking to her body.

When she finally caught up, they were both breathing heavily.

"You two look so cute! Hold on, I'm going to take a picture!" Their mom squealed, surprising them at her sudden appearance.

"M-om!"

. . . . .

Avery yelled in anger, taking off her glasses. She ran her fingers through her hair-how could she have ever let Daisy out of jail? Just to get back at Phyllis for breaking some stupid promise from their childhood. . .she was so pathetic.

Now, it was all her fault. Daisy was out of jail and had custody of Lucy, and it was all her fault. And no matter how many files she went through, trying to come up with something that would get Daniel custody of Lucy, she couldn't think of anything.

Avery needed a break.

She pulled herself up from her desk and went too her photo albums. Some photos made her sick, like the last one she took of her father. Some made her think of happier times. What was weird, was that she couldn't find any of Phyllis.

When she took out her third album, that's when she saw Phyllis. It was the first one in it, Phyllis giving her a piggyback ride while she stuck her tongue out at the camera. It was funny how they had been so close, but now they couldn't stand each other.

"The best thing about a photo is even though the people in it change, the picture doesn't," Avery said slowly, stroking the photo.

Her vision blurred as tears wetted the picture.

. . . . .

"Help! Help!" Phyllis was screaming now, at the top of her lungs. It felt like someone or something was ripping through her stomach and she could barely breathe. There was no way her baby was still alive; it was dead. Had to be. Nick would be-he'd be so sad. . .

Nick! The wedding, she was missing the wedding. . .

Her phone was just a few inches away-she needed to get too the phone, tell Nick what was wrong, and get some help because damn this was painful.

Phyllis tried to gather all her strength to crawl over too the phone but she couldn't. And it hurt so bad. . .

"Help me! Oh, my baby!" She had never felt so weak, so useless. All she could do was cry and scream, couldn't even crawl over to the phone.

Was this karma? Was this karma, for all of the bad things she'd done? It had to be. Her and Nick were going to get married, it was going to be amazing. Summer would be happy, because all of them would finally be a family again. And she would have another baby. Phyllis, Nick, Summer, and a new little baby. . .the perfect family.

Now it would never happen. She should've never fought with Daisy. Daisy. . .this was all her fault. Daisy was ruining her life, and Ricky with the tell-all. . .this was all karma.

"Phyllis. . .?"

Nick! Nick was here, but the baby was gone. Dead.

"Nick. . ."

He rushed over, and she could barely hear what he was saying. None of it mattered. She lost their baby, and it was all karma. All of the bad things she did had caught up too her-Avery, Cricket, Paul, Danny. She had wronged all of them. It was all her fault.

"Nick, the baby is gone. It's all my fault. . .all my fault," she choked out. He tried to console her, saying "it's not your fault, it's not your fault Phyllis!" But it is her fault.

. . . . .

"_Phyllis."_

_Phyllis looked around wildly, jumping up from the floor of the. . .cabin? She was dreaming, had to be dreaming. . ._

"_Phyllis, you promised you'd never leave me. . .pinky promised. . ." She turned around too see young Avery standing behind her. She was crying, twisting her blonde curls around her finger._

"_Why'd you leave me, Phyllis?"_

_The dream changed, then and they were standing in a courtroom. Avery was an adult now and Daisy was standing next too her._

_Phyllis could see herself yelling. "How could you help this monster get out of jail?"_

_The dream changed again and she saw herself in a car. It seemed normal until she saw Paul and Christine; she couldn't help it-when the car hit the two of them she let out a scream._

"_Phyllis, Phyllis!"_

_. . . . ._

Phyllis jolted awake.

Her pajamas were sticking to her skin and she was breathing heavily. Nick was rubbing her arm gently, his eyes narrowed.

"Did you have a bad dream? You were. . .you were screaming," Nick said.

"Uh-n-no! I was. . .I was just-"

"I know yesterday was tough. But you can't blame yourself. Miscarriages happen all the time, and you were stressed out because of Daisy." Nick bit his lip and stared straight into her eyes before he got out of bed. "I'm going too hop in the shower, okay?"

Phyllis nodded, still trying to regain her breathe. After a few moments, she shakily got out of bed and went in her closet.

She went for her box of photos and shuffled through them until she found the only picture of Avery and her she bought to Genoa City.

"Why in the world did I dream about this?" She thought out loud, running her thumb over it.

Their hands were interlocked and they were smiling, big wide smiles.

When she heard the shower stop she threw the photo back in the box and quickly got back in bed.

. . . . .

"Mom, there's a present or something here for you!" Summer shouted, skipping over to her Mom.

Phyllis frowned. "Thanks, Summer," she said, waving to her daughter. Summer took that as a cue to leave, going too her room.

It was wrapped neatly; much too thin to be an actual present. Gently, she unwrapped it.

It was the picture. The picture of her and Avery, only it looked different from the photo she had. It was taken on the same day, she guessed, because they were wearing the same outfits but in this one she was giving Avery a piggyback ride.

Phyllis flipped it over. On the back in messy writing that was nearly identical to hers, it read: _The best thing about a photo is the people in it change but the picture doesn't. I still love you, Phyllis._

All she could do was cry.


	3. Jack

Jack breathed in, then out, trying to. . .to feel something. Anything. His spine was killing him.

And sooner or later, Jack Abbott knew his greatest enemy - even worse than Victor - would show up in front of him, still looking as real as ever:

his father.

The man has been dead for years. To everyone else, at least. But to him the man is still alive. Still a vivid painting of all his failures and lost dreams. He's the only one that can see him, hear him.

More than Victor, more than Nikki, more than Jabot, more than everything messed up in his life his father bothers him most - even in death, Jack can't escape him.

He never will.

Jack can't tell anyone about all of the times his father haunts (which is pretty much everyday) - they would send him off to the crazy house, and that's the only thing worse than permanently being paralyzed he can think of. It's enough work keeping control of Newman. He doesn't have time to convince people that, _yes, _his dead father talks to him everyday and reminds him how much of a disappointment he is.

"Jack," his father says simply, slowly making his way over to the table.

Jack Abbott isn't even surprised anymore.

"Hello, father," he replies back, dryly. "It's great to see you again."


End file.
